What exactly is a mandate?

One of the main reasons many marriages struggle is due to a lack of knowledge.

Hosea 4:6 (NKJV)
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.
Because you have rejected knowledge,
I also will reject you from being priest for Me;
Because you have forgotten the law of your God,
I also will forget your children.

Mandate (Noun): an official order or commission to do something.

Mandate (Verb): to give (someone) authority to act in a certain way.

To require (something) to be done; to make mandatory.

A powerful passage found in Genesis 2:21-25 inspired these mandates.

Here’s what it says:

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening.
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.
“This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”
24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.

The 5 Marriage Mandates

Marriage Mandate #1: COVENANT (This is why…)

I acknowledge and accept that marriage is more than a contract. It is a gift and a calling. I will honor marriage as the sacred institution God designed it to be.

Marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse and God. It is a lifelong commitment that should be based on love, trust, honor, and respect.

SINCE WE GO TO GOD TO GET MARRIED, WE SHOULD ALSO GO TO GOD TO STAY MARRIED

How do we demonstrate covenant in our marriage?

A.R.C.

* Align your definition of marriage with God’s.

* Revisit the vows you made to God and one another.

* Center your lives around His Word.

Marriage Mandate #2: COMMITMENT ( a man leaves his father and mother…)

I acknowledge and accept that commitment is one of the cornerstones of a successful and healthy relationship. Without it, a marriage won’t survive.

A commitment is also known as a:
pact
undertaking
decision
resolution
resolve
vow
promise
pledge
oath
covenant

One sure sign of commitment is removing “divorce” as an option, but an even greater sign is the presence of love and respect.

[Eph 5:22-33 NKJV]
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
[Eph 5:22-33 NKJV]
24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord [does] the church. …
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife [see] that she respects [her] husband.)

How do we demonstrate commitment within our covenant?

P.R.O.

* Prepare to fight for one another, not with one another.

* Remove divorce from your relationship vocabulary.

* Obey God concerning your role in the marriage.

Marriage Mandate #3: COMMUNICATION (and bonds with his wife…)

I acknowledge and accept that I am responsible for communicating openly and honestly with maturity, integrity and respect. I will honor others by listening to hear and understand.

Communication is the exchange of information between two or more people for understanding.

Effective communication is more than that. What you say, why you say what you’ve said, and how you say it can have a lasting impact.

Most couples shy away from communicating because of fear of conflict.

Here are 3 rules to help you navigate through conflicts in any relationship.

Rule #1: Talk without being offensive.

Rule #2: Listen without being defensive.

Rule #3: Always leave your spouse with their dignity intact.

[Jas 1:19-20 NIV]
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

[Col 3:8 NIV] 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

How do we communicate effectively with each other?

B.A.G.

* Be honest, open and kind.

* Always listen actively and respond responsibly.

* Give the respect you want to receive in return

Marriage Mandate #4: CONNECTION (and they become one flesh…)

I acknowledge and accept the necessity of authentic, intimate, and emotional connection in marriage. It must be coupled with communication to render it effective.

[Mat 19:6 NKJV]

6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Join(ed): to cling, cleave to, to stay with, to cause to cleave to; to pursue closely.

Connection is the forerunner of communication. It’s likened to this saying- “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Saying and doing all the right things doesn’t matter if the receiver doesn’t feel seen, heard, or understood.

[1Co 13:4-7 CSB] 4 Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, 5 is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.

[1Co 13:4-7 CSB] 6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Five ways in which we can connect to our spouse:

Spiritually: being in the word together, worshiping together, praying together

Physically: includes but is not limited to sex (this is important)

Intellectually: discussing issues, movies, even politics

Recreationally: enjoying activities together (puzzles, movies, games, outings)

Emotionally: sharing experiences and vulnerabilities.

Do not forfeit the gift of sexual intimacy. It was created by God to be enjoyed.

We believe that the greatest experience of sexual pleasure in marriage comes from pleasing your spouse.

Couples typically experience intimacy in three ways:

They enjoy making love and want to make more of it.

2. They desire to make love, but they cannot.

3. There is no desire for intimacy between one or both spouses.

Love-making should not be used ONLY as a reward and NEVER as punishment. It should be a mutual exchange expressed with tenderness, intensity, respect and frequency.

How can you strengthen your connection with one another?

P.L.U.S.

* Plan quality time together.

* Listen to one another’s hopes, dreams, and goals.

* Uplift one another in times of trouble, sorrow or loss.

* Spend time together in the Word of God.

Marriage Mandate #5: CALIBRATION/RE-CALIBRATION (Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.)

I accept and acknowledge that my spouse and I are responsible for setting healthy boundaries in our relationship. We must honor one another and agree to re-calibrate whenever necessary.

In our relationships, we should always measure how close we are to our target values and how consistent we are with them by setting healthy boundaries. We can borrow the term “center of spec” to describe this concept.

The center of spec is what both parties have determined to be most important in the relationship. It defines the boundaries of acceptable behavior in the relationship. Acceptable behavior should align with the Word.

[Phl 4:8 KJV] 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure,

[Phl 4:8 KJV]  whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

How can we re-calibrate with each other?

E.A.R.

* Establish a standard of expectations/boundaries.

* Acknowledge your imperfections.

* Resolve conflicts in a mutually beneficial and timely manner.

Review

COVENANT / A.R.C.

* Align your definition of marriage with God’s.

* Renew the vows you made to God and one another.

* Center your lives around God’s Word.

COMMITMENT / P.R.O.

* Prepare to fight for one another, not with one another.

* Remove divorce from your relationship vocabulary.

* Obey God concerning your role in the marriage.

What tools or instruments do we use to calibrate our relationship? And how do we measure for accuracy?

COMMUNICATION / B.A.G.

* Be honest, open and kind.

* Always listen actively and respond responsibly.

* Give the respect you want to receive in return

CONNECTION / P.L.U.S.

* Plan to spend quality time together

* Listen to one another’s hopes, dreams, and goals.

* Uplift one another.

* Spend time together in the Word of God.

CALIBRATION / RE-CALIBRATION / E.A.R.

* Establish a standard of expectations/boundaries.

* Acknowledge your imperfections.

* Resolve conflicts in a mutually beneficial and timely manner.

If you, someone you know, or the couples in your ministry would benefit from having Valere and Vincent facilitate a conference/meeting virtually or in person, please get in touch with us via support@ couplespursuit.com or TEXT 252 220-0046.

You may also reach us individually by emailing:

vincent@couplespursuit.com

or

valerie@couplespursuit.com

Or text us at: (252) 220-0046

The 5 Marriage Mandates (Biblical Principles to Help Anyone Overcome Any Marital Challenge

https://couplespursuit.com/links

Vincent & Valerie Woodard – CouplesPursuit.com