Experiencing detachment, anger, or resentment in your marriage can make you feel like you’re watching a train wreck from the sidelines. It might seem beyond your control, especially if your spouse has already filed for divorce.

However, there is hope. Let’s explore the insights of Dr. Zoe Shaw, a licensed psychotherapist, motivational speaker, podcast host, life coach, and fitness fanatic.

Dr. Shaw is passionate about helping women who struggle in difficult relationships, including their relationships with themselves.

The Power of Change in a Relationship System

The good news is that fixing things in your marriage doesn’t require both spouses to jump in and dissect the problems. When any part of a system changes (in this case, your relationship), it affects the whole system.

Here are some tips to inspire your spouse to wake up and recommit to your marriage:

1. Don’t promise to change too soon.

When your spouse is upset with you, avoid making promises to change immediately. Give yourself time to reflect on the situation and understand the underlying issues.

2. Distance yourself.

Create a healthy distance between you and your spouse. This will give both of you the space to reflect on your relationship and recognize the areas that need improvement.

3. Recognize co-created issues.

It’s normal to wonder about your role in the problem, but most couples’ issues are co-created. Understand that both you and your spouse contribute to the relationship dynamics.

4. Be concise when addressing issues.

When discussing a problem, be short and concise. Avoid mentioning the past or adding additional issues, as this may only complicate the conversation.

5. Praise the small steps.

Acknowledge and appreciate the small steps that your spouse takes to improve the relationship. Positive reinforcement can encourage further progress.

6. Focus on your own change.

Remember that change is about you, not your spouse. Any change you make in the relationship will affect the whole system, both positively and negatively.

7. Commit to your spouse every day.

Make a conscious effort to show your dedication and commitment to your spouse daily.

8. Understand your own behavior.

Take the time to analyze why you behave the way you do. Gaining self-awareness can help you make more constructive choices in your relationship.

9. Address one issue at a time.

Tackle one problem at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself and your spouse. This focused approach can lead to more effective solutions.

10. Continuously improve your marriage.

Treat your marriage like a system that requires constant improvement. Establish regular check-ins or “business meetings” to discuss progress and address any concerns.

Embrace the Challenge and Improve Your Marriage

While marriage isn’t easy, working on it alone can be even more daunting. However, you can make significant progress with the right attitude and determination.

Remember that you cannot control anyone other than yourself. Embrace the challenge, and you will soon see your marriage improve.

You can find her in the media on Instagram: @Drzoeshaw, in most social places at the handle DrZoeShaw, and online at https://drzoeshaw.com.